Men, your wife is usually right.
I don’t say that in a defeated, “I’m a little pansy-man” way. I say it in a way that exalts my wife’s God-given ability to understand and see things that escape me. I don’t know how, but my wife is usually right about the big things…and she saves me from a lot of heartache.
In the beginning, if you believe in creation as written in Genesis as I do, God created man. Then he gave man a “helper.” My wife certainly fits that bill. Her natural intuition acts as a guide and a light to travel down the right path in life and away from the wrong paths.
The perfect example of my wife’s ability to “just know” happened almost four years ago. We had been married less than three months and I was offered a job in Chattanooga, TN. This offer was from a company over ten times the size of any previous company for which I had worked. I would be starting and running an entire division of the company, with a $2 Million first year budget, and would be able to hire my own team, including programmers. All compensation included, I would be making more than twice what I was making…and it all came about in three days. I interviewed on Friday and got the offer on Monday. I was pretty stoked.
But my wife said no.
Either we would have to move or I would have almost four-hour daily round-trip commute. The physical toll alone would have been huge, not to mention almost an additional fifteen hours a week lost with my wife. No more lunches together or seeing each other before 7:30pm on weekdays. I would have been gone each day from 6:00am to 8:00pm on average. I would have gotten no exercise, little sleep, and had a shattered marriage. So I told them no.
Then they offered to let me work from home twice a week, added another week of vacation, threw in a car, and put together an impossible-to-turn-down relocation package so we could move there. In addition, my wife still said no.
It was no longer about the stress on our relationship. I think we could have managed three days like that each week. However, there was more to it for her. There was something “just not right” about it to her.
I was blinded by the money and prestige though. C’mon! We’re talking living like Scrooge McDuck, swimming in our cash (granted it would be all ones to pull that off, but still). And the resume building…my gosh, this was a well-known company. I would be leading a team and doing what I love. How could I pass this up?
But I did pass it up because my wife said it was not right. I begrudgingly trusted her. (Side note: Husbands, using the phrase “You just don’t want me to have a great job / make more money / do what I love” is a really, really, really bad idea.”)
Four months later I took a job making half of the previous offer and loved it. It was only about a twenty minute commute and ten minutes from my wife’s office. We ate lunch together at least once a week and I was home by 6:00 almost every night. One year after starting I was promoted to lead a team and do almost exactly what I would have been doing in Chattanooga.
During the next few months, I started getting LinkedIn updates from people at the Chattanooga company. The President of the company, who would have been my boss, left. The CTO and EVP of Marketing, who I would have been working side-by-side with, both left. All four people with whom I interviewed that Friday were gone within six months. The division they were forming for me to run never materialized and the entire brand (the company had three brands) was soon merged with another brand within the company.
Something was “just not right,” my wife said. How happy is the man who follows his wife’s feelings.
Has anyone ever talked you out of something because it “just did not feel right?” What were the results?