Why am I so negative all the time?
That’s the question I’ve wrestled with for years. I know that as a leader at work, at home and in the community that I should be looking for the good in people and in situations.
I’m still a work in progress (aren’t we all), but I’ve turned a corner due to one huge revelation.
People aren’t born positive. They are trained. Here are 6 ways to help you be more positive. (Tweet That) | Share this Graphic on Pinterest | Share on Facebook
Looking for the good in people is not a natural thing. We are wired to look for threats. I believe in micro-evolution. It’s real. Just look at what modern technology has done to the brain. Over the course of thousands of years, we’ve evolved to look for threats to our survival and well-being. In other words, being negative, seeing the worst in others and situations, is a survival mechanism.
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Do yourself a favor…the next time you start to say something bad about yourself,
Seriously, shut up. Don’t say it.
You can think it, but don’t say it. Don’t mumble it under your breathe. Don’t say it to someone else. Don’t write it down.
Your negative thoughts don’t have to become reality. In fact they can’t be, because you are too valuable to the rest of us to live that way.
So shut up.
When is it OK to interrupt?
When it’s your own voice telling you:
When someone else is telling you:
“My business is failing.”
With a look of resignation and defeat, Tom uttered those pitiful words to me in early spring.
The future is undetermined. If you talk about your future negatively, you prophesy your own downfall.
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By summer, it had become a reality. His business had failed. He was down to his last few dollars and looking for work.
According to him, it had “been failing” for two years, since the economy made a turn for the worse.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but Tom was speaking prophetic words. He was speaking future events into current reality.
Saying “my business is failing” is, in its essence, a prediction of future events. It is no different from saying, “I am going to eat.” That is a predictor of future behavior and activity. Hours later I “will have eaten.”
To suggest “my business is failing” is to declare that at some point in the future it “will have failed.”
“My marriage is failing” is no different than saying “I’m going to be divorced.”
“My child is failing math” tells me that the end result will have been an “F” in math.
If Tom were to tell me now what he told me then, I would respond much differently than I did then. Here is how the conversation might go today:
Tom: My business is failing.
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I’ll be happy when _________. Go ahead, fill in the blank. That blank is your definition of “success.” But here is the paradox: To achieve authentic success, you must be happy first. Happiness leads to success, which leads to more happiness, which leads to…and thus the cycle is born. Round and round you go on […]