For twenty-something years I thought that everyone communicated in the same way that I did.
Amazingly (sarcasm intended), they don’t. In fact, every person I’ve ever led communicated in very different ways.
And that meant they preferred to be communicated to in different ways. That’s where my troubles began.
I assumed others were motivated by the same things that motivated me. I assumed that they could be motivated in the same ways that I was motivated. What’s good for the goose (me) is good for the gander, right?
i also assumed that everyone understood me, because everything I said sounded so perfect in my head. It’s as if I thought that everyone was born with a gene that meant that they inherently understood everything that I said.
“My team doesn’t seem to care as much as I do.”
Those were the words of Nelson, a business owner I recently spoke with. I listened intently as he described the situation. It was remarkably similar to mine.
His team didn’t have the fire that he had.
What do you do when your team doesn’t care as much as you do? Learn what Nelson did. (Tweet That) | Share this Graphic on Pinterest | Share on Facebook
They seemed to be going through the motions. When things went wrong, they didn’t lose the sleep that he lost. When things were right, they didn’t seem to celebrate like he would. Nelson was at a loss…”what do I do, Matt?” he asked.
The brutal truth
Whether you are business owner or team leader, I have a brutal truth for you:
Your team will never care as much as you do.
You are the owner. Or you are the leader. You live and die with everything that happens in your company or department.
The DISC assessment is an invaluable tool that has helped millions of people communicate better.
But you must use it with caution.
Below I list 3 ways to use DISC profiles and three giant mistakes to avoid…all of which I have made myself.
The DISC assessment is an invaluable tool to improve communication on and off the job. (Tweet That) | Share this Graphic on Pinterest | Share on Facebook
NOTE: That’s my DISC profile above. It hasn’t changed much in the past ten years. I’ll share the giant mistake I made from those results shortly. If you’ve ever wondered how to communicate with a High D, particularly in conflict, check out Conflict and the High D.
Here are 3 ways to use DISC profiles:
1. Learning how to communicate with others.
How do you handle disagreements or conflict with a High D?
This is the first part of what will be a multi-part series on communicating with the four different types in the DISC profile. Over the next few years, I will periodically cover how to handle conflict/disagreements, how to encourage, how to delegate to, how to report to, and how to do much more with each of the four groups.
I recently got an email from a friend, whom we will call Joe, which read:
I would like your advice.
We had a meeting to make sure everyone was on the same page with our new payroll process. Just my boss, his wife, and me. I had everything prepared for them in such a way they were both really happy. Problem for me: at one point my boss says, “we need to not make careless mistakes. Like putting vacation in sick, that was a careless mistake. We need to not be careless.” I couldn’t really respond because their three kids came in at that moment. I know my mistake was human error. Calling it careless says to me I didn’t care enough. But I did care! My husband thinks I need to send my boss an email. But I want to make sure I’m interpreting things correctly, with the whole D spin 🙂
I have other examples when he indicates something negative about me because of what I’ve done, not done, etc. And the times I’ve tried to explain the “why” behind what I’ve done he either looks at me blankly, gives a half smile, or just reiterates his original opinion. Please help, oh great D!
How do you get your game face on before meetings?
You do have a meeting game face don’t you?
I’ve found that people attending meetings tend to fall into four groups, loosely based on their DISC profiles.
Group 1: Those who have all the ideas and think theirs are the best. (Those who take over, usually High D’s)
Group 2: Those who have tons of ideas but never share them. (Those who are afraid to speak up, usually High C’s and S’s)
Group 3: Those who have no ideas. (Those who don’t think quickly, usually High C’s)
Group 4: Those who just want to have fun. (Those who came for the party and a business meeting broke out, usually High I’s)
Here are four mantras for each of the four groups. No matter what group you fall into, I want you to repeat these over and over before each meeting, so that you achieve your objectives.
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A leader must be everything to everyone.
Nearly two thousand years ago, the apostle Paul wrote:
For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a slave to all, so that I may win more. To the Jews I became as a Jew, so that I might win Jews; To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak; I have become all things to all men, so that I may by all means save some.
1 Corinthians 9:19-20,22 [emphasis added]
Few would dispute that Paul was a leader. And he became everything to everyone to accomplish his purpose.
A leader today must do the same thing, with a few exceptions.
To the energetic, you must show energy.
To the nerds, you must talk like a nerd.
To the lighthearted, you must use humor. You must learn to be funny.
To a high D (on the DISC profile), you must communicate like a high D.
So that by all means you may get the best performance out of each individual.
Here are some of my favorite comments from October. This is what makes this blog so awesome…your comments. Your life experiences and reactions shared with everyone, for the benefit of everyone. Thank you for these bowls full of awesomeness! Each of them below has an excerpt but I highly recommend you read the full comment […]
For most of my life I assumed that everyone communicated in the same way I did. Turns out they don’t. I assumed they were motivated by the same things I was. I assumed they were motivated in the same way that I was. I also assumed that everyone else instinctively understood me. In retrospect I […]